Tell Me What You Want
by 120Days
Summary: Camerah Femslash. Written from Sarah's perspective, she finds herself on the edge as she begins a questionable relationship with her new mechanical companion. A work in-progress.
1. Chapter 1

Sometimes our experiences can leave scars so deep we bury our emotions because it hurts too much to let them have free reign in over our consciousness, but inevitably, the potential for them to re-emerge, in perhaps under the most bizarre circumstances, always remains, and my inner volcano was about to erupt...

"It cannot be trusted." Those words echoed through my head every time I was reminded this "young woman" was in fact not a woman at all. I'll admit it could be easy to forget sometimes. This was probably the most convincing model I had ever seen. But it wasn't perfect. It was a machine, a machine incapable of ever understanding what being or even just impersonating a human being really means.

But could anyone really blame me for not trusting something designed for the sole purpose of aiding in the extermination of human life? Maybe I do worry too much… After all, a machine's only purpose is what's in its programming, and this particular model had been recommissioned to assist us in the fight against our enemies. Well…except for that time it tried to kill my son after being damaged by an explosion…

It knew I didn't trust it… I could tell by the way it glared at me with those eyes…those beautiful dark brown eyes… they seemed so familiar…

I hadn't been with a woman since high school. I tried to tell myself that maybe it had just been a fluke. I was still young…too young to know what I really wanted…Who knows… it couldn't be less relevant to my life now. Now, my life was only about two things, keeping my son safe and preventing Skynet from coming online. At least that's what I tried to convince myself, but reality has the annoying tendency to be more complicated than what we'd all like to make it…

And now, every time I looked into this mechanical killer's eyes, I felt something. And it wasn't just her eyes… that flawless body, that beautiful, long, flowing brown hair I wanted to get lost in… Wait! I can't let myself get started in this direction! I could go crazy thinking about this for too long, and John, my son, already probably thinks I'm starting to lose my mind. Could anyone really blame me? Saving the world isn't a responsibility I'd wish on anyone. Maybe it was just the stress making me feel this way. What would Kyle think of me if he knew?

"Kyle's not here." It almost sounded like a whisper in my ear. Was my mind playing tricks on me?

Yes it was true that I had loved him, and now I was starting to have these thoughts about a machine… the same type of machine he gave his life to defend me from. Sometimes I felt like he was still right here with me, watching over me, doing what he could to keep me safe. I could almost believe it. But of course, he wasn't. Ever since Kyle and the Terminators had come into my life, I had felt almost totally disconnected from the past. But now there was a beautiful young woman living in my house, serving as a constant reminder of what once had been, of a person I once had been, before killer cyborgs from the future starting coming after me and my son. And I thought things were complicated back then…

"Get a grip, Sarah! Remember the mission! You have to protect John, because he's all that matters now!" Was this the voice of reason? Was Kyle still trying to speak to me from beyond the grave? Whatever the voice in my head was saying now, it was right. I had to regain my composure and get back to work following up on these leads.

Then Charley Dixon's image flashed across my mind. Why? I don't know. Guilt, probably. His wife was now dead because of me. I understand this is a war, and wars have casualties. I know I have to be strong no matter the cost, even if it means watching horrible things happen to the people I care about. But we all need to love, and feel loved, and I do hate these fucking machines for keeping these things from me. I have to stay focused, I have to use my anger constructively, as motivation to complete this mission and prevent Skynet from ever being built. Then, maybe then, things will be different.

These thoughts still fresh in my mind, I wandered into the kitchen to grab a quick snack before John and Cameron get back from running errands. I had sent them out together to pick up some food and supplies, I thought having the house to myself for a little while would help bring me some kind of epiphany, but now I honestly felt even more confused. I suddenly turn around as I hear the front door opening and I see my son John emerge from the daylight streaming through the doorway followed by her…it.

"Hey mom."

"Hey. How'd it go?"

"Good. We got everything on the list you made, except for those pot pies you like. They were out of those."

"Bummer."

The two make their way into the kitchen, arms full of grocery bags, and Cameron carrying at least twice as many as John. I guess her superhuman strength can be good for more than just punching through walls… I wonder what else… I tried to avert my gaze, but as soon as she set down her load I could feel her staring straight at me. When our eyes met, she spoke.

"Sarah, Did you find anymore clues about that lead you were working on?"

I tried to respond as coolly as possible.

"Yes I did, James Martinez, a freelance software tester who used to work with Cyberdyne. He apparently claimed to have found a fatal flaw in the code Miles Dyson was writing."

As these words escaped my lips my eyes were transfixed on hers - her soft, shiny lips, I wanted them pressed against mine. She was undeniably beautiful, but this thing…wasn't even a person. Believe me, I knew how patently absurd this all was. Either way, I also knew these feelings would not go away on their own, and they were a distraction. I couldn't let them endanger our mission.

I went on, "If Andy Goode's Turk was based off the code Miles Dyson was writing to build Skynet, Martinez might have some information that can help us."

"So you're going to go talk to him?" John asked me.

"Yes. But in the meantime, John, can you start putting the groceries away? I want to talk to Cameron alone for a minute."

"Sure, I can do that, mom."

"Thanks."

It was now or never. "Cameron, let's step outside for a minute."

She followed me out to the backyard like an obedient little killer, and she looked even more gorgeous as her features glistened in the sunlight. I started to sweat… and it wasn't even that hot out...

"You wanted to talk… About the mission?" she asked me.

"I'll get to that in a minute."

Thank God only one of us was capable of feeling awkward, maybe I could use that to my advantage...


	2. Chapter 2

I couldn't believe how jacked up I felt about this. Facing off against the deadliest of foes...that didn't scare me anymore, in that sense I was numb. Staring death in the face more times than I could count… That I was used to, well, as used to that as a person can get. But this was something else entirely…

Finally I forced the words out of my mouth, "Cameron, I need to ask you something. Did you have sex with my son?"

I knew if she answered in the affirmative it might've been too much for me to take, but she responded quickly.

"No." I felt my heart skip a beat.

She was a machine. She didn't act surprised, defensive, or upset. To her it was just like asking what you had for lunch. I knew it could've been a lie, but I found that unlikely. After all, John was still hanging out with Riley pretty often, and of course I wanted to think better of my son than that…But after all, he's still a teenage boy.

"But my mission may require me to in order to mitigate our security risk."

My stomach turned over. "What? Listen to me, Cameron. You can't do that."

"Why not? If it is a logical component of our mission…"

"Because he's my son! Listen to me, you stay the hell off of him! Do I make myself clear?"

I had lost my cool, and I hoped John couldn't hear me from inside. I took a closed-eyed breath to regain my composure.

Yelling at her was like yelling at a puppy who's just soiled your favorite rug. It can tell you're angry but doesn't have the capacity to understand why. It just sits and stares at you with gleaming eyes…gleaming, innocent, sad and beautiful eyes… I knew the true reason why I was so angry. John had found someone. Even if we couldn't trust her, I went against my better judgement because she seemed to make my son happy. I didn't want him with a machine. That would be ridiculous…but… did I really not want John with the machine because I wanted her for myself?… I knew it was childish, I knew it was irrational, and possibly even immoral. The cognitive dissonance was getting the better of me.

"I'm sorry Cameron, I didn't mean to shout at you like that."

"It's ok. I understand why you're upset," she said, remaining totally calm. Was she on to me? Was it my body language? Could she detect the way I was secretly lusting for her?

"I'm just a machine, I'm not a real girl. You want John to be with a real person, right?"

She might as well have stabbed a knife in my chest.

I couldn't take it anymore. "Oh Cameron, I'm sorry!" I said under my breath as I shut my eyes, leaned in and wrapped my arms around her. My chin came to rest on her left shoulder. Logically, there was no reason to be sorry. She WAS a machine. She couldn't be offended. But this wasn't about being logical. She was a machine, but my Id couldn't tell the difference. The visceral part of my mind knew what it wanted, and it had seized the opportunity to embrace her.

Then…something I didn't expect. She slowly raised her arms that had been hanging at her sides and gently wrapped them around me…

My body felt like it was melting. I wanted to hang on to this moment as long as I could, and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I felt safe in her small but inhumanly strong arms. But eventually my rational self got the better of me. We disconnected ourselves and just like that it was over.

"It's ok, Sarah. I want us to be friends."

"You do?" I was caught a little off guard…

"Yes. Our mission will have a higher probability of success that way."

That's all she wants? I guess that's what I get for entertaining such ridiculous thoughts. There was nothing there but programming. Planet Earth was calling me back home.

"Let's go back inside."

I turned around and opened the door. I held it for her and motioned for her to come back inside. She shot me one of her quick expressionless glances before she passed through the doorway. It almost looked like a slight smirk was trying to curl its way up from the side of her lovely little mouth. Maybe it was just my imagination.

Who could know what she was really thinking? I couldn't help but wonder how they "think". What were their thoughts made of? Images? Was it like plain text in a word processor or command prompt? Just ones and zeroes?

I wasn't sure I really even wanted to know.

We made our way back into the kitchen. John was finishing up packing the perishable stuff into the fridge. He looked over at me… I felt my face fill with warmth. Had he been watching us? I prayed not…"

"Is everything alright, mom?"

"Yeah, everything's fine." I forced a smile. I'm sure he could tell something was up, but we had more important things to deal with right now.

"James Martinez, the lead I mentioned earlier." I began.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"I have an idea. I found his website, it appears he still works as a freelance software tester. I want to send Cameron in undercover to meet with him. She'll portray a computer science major doing a research paper on the downfall of Cyberdyne Systems, and see what kind of information she can get out of him about the time he spent working for them."

"Uh, mom, are you sure that's a good idea? What if he gets suspicious about her intentions? I mean, Cameron is a reasonably good infiltrator and all, but…"

"I'll do it." Cameron cut him off and turned toward me.

"Just tell me what you want and I'll do it for you."

My jaw nearly dropped. Was my mind playing tricks on me again? Was she just referring to the mission, or was she trying to be cryptic? Either way she knew how to drive me crazy… staring at me with those eyes again. I'd be lying if I said I didn't somewhat enjoy this little game we were playing. She was a machine, but she wasn't stupid. If she was trying to send me signals, they were definitely working.

John wasn't stupid either, and I knew he was picking up on the awkwardness between me and our mechanical companion. I knew he was more important than any of this, but who could blame me for wanting a little "excitement" in between all of the stress and chaos that had now become the norm for us?

Where were we again? "Good, Cameron. We'll go over the persona you'll be portraying in a little while, right now I'm starving. What do you want to have for dinner, John?" I hope my slight smirk wasn't too noticeable…


End file.
